the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
