Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
