dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
