Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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