Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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