My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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