ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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