Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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