Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
