Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
