I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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