WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
