The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
