it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
