we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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