physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
