Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize