chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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