why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
