He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
