You just made me feel so damn special
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
