she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
