Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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