were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Congratulations! We have a period
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