I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
