my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
