If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
