Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
