Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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