he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
