marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
