Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
