I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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