Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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