Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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