They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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