Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
