If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
