just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
