I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want to make out with him forever
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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