wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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