we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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