Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
