I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
then he tried to convert me to islam
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
