just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just googled if crying burns calories
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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