i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
