Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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