my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
