Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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