dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
