the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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