The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
