You made me cry and you don't even care
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
