I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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