It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
