We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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