Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
