After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
