My hand turned me down
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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