We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
