Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize