he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
