i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
