I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
