I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
