Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it glows. i had to have it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
