On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I puked a lego.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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