So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
