Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
this is an emotional support booty call
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
