I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
