btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
