I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
