Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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