i jhust puked up my retainher.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
