dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The air was thick with penises
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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